"Non-violent communication"

Dear friends,

One of our most faithful readers made an observation today, about the words published on the blog of the Faerie Princess (Annelies Broeders) and mine, being sometimes a bit harsh toward the Dutch society.

And I wish to answer that observation, as what our friend expressed, is perhaps the silent opinion of other of our readers.

First of all the words used, stating that the Dutch society "is rigid and emotionally stiff" are not mine (a foreigner), but those of the Faerie Princess, who is Dutch, and greatly suffered, and still suffers, from that emotional closeness, and general reluctance to openly express emotions. The Faerie Princess is a very emotional person surrounded since her childhood by people who repress and suppress their emotions.

So she has a cry of her heart to express. Necessarily her words can be a bit painful to read. Even when she asks me to help her express her emotions, do not forget that these words are endorsed by her, publicly, in her name.

Now I understand the point our faithful reader raised, and I can say that in a way our friend is right to have raised this issue, and to highlight the importance of "non-violent communication", and of not statements that can be hurtful / offending, but rather, of writing in a smoother, more consensual way, as it will have more chances to reach the result of peace, harmony, and true love triumph we seek. So I really thank a lot our faithful reader for having expressed this opinion.

However, I also wish to add a few details:

1- Our readers must keep in mind that these blogs are first written for the entourage of the Faerie Princess. When slightly harsh words are used, these words are not directed toward all the citizens of the Lowlands, but rather, at those who hurt and still hurt the Faerie Princess with their emotional stiffness and the fact they do not listen to their hearts.

2- The Faerie Princess is not a fool. She knows where is the limit. She knows what will be acceptable by her entourage and what won't be. She knows that sometimes these people need to be a bit shocked out from their torpor, as nobody ever said in front of them what we are now writing publicly. These people are not used to be criticized (constructively) as they now are on the blogs. All their lives, they sort of thought they knew everything, believing the Western world to be above everything else, and the North European worldview to be the right one, without admitting discussions. The Faerie Princess greatly suffered of this, because she values more the ancient celtic values, for instance. She is a dreamy, kind, emotional person, who found no place for her in this harsh world. 

3- Take a newspaper, turn on a television (those are things I never do, because of my own traumas. I've come to hate newspaper. I don't want to hear bad news any longer). Read about how my country is depicted. It is depicted in very negative ways quite often. And here we are not speaking of emotional stiffness. We are speaking of calling my country really very bad, negative, and offensive names. Grave accusations. So, the way our readers feel when reading the blog, should show them how unfairly their communicating media work. The prejudices of the entourage of the Faerie Princess about me are also caused by all the negative news they've heard about my country during their life. If I am condescending with them, saying "Wow what a perfect country the Netherlands is, and how terrible Lebanon, my country is" it is not going to help my story, as it will reinforce their prejudice that I was interested in the Faerie Princess for her citizenship, for their money / personal fortune, or for God knows what. This is obviously absolutely wrong. But they have deep ingrained prejudices, unconsciously believing that they belong to the civilized world, while that I belong to the "third world". 

I loved the Netherlands. The landscapes. Delft is beautiful. So is Dordrecht. So is Gouda. Scheveningen is beautiful especially during storms. Nijmegen is really pretty.

The character of the Dutch people I met, I liked much less. It happened to me to fall asleep in a coffee place for fifteen minutes, on my chair, after consuming a tea, and eating something, and paying of course for what I had consumed. Immediately, the waitress asked me to wake up or to go out, without any kindness. I had not slept much during the night as I had traveled. And the coffee place was empty (it was around 11 a.m.), so I was not occupying a space that was needed.

This is only an example of the general lack of kindness I've experienced in the lowlands, during my four stays.

This does not mean I didn't meet some kind people too. Once I had some flowers in my hands and an old woman stopped and asked me who was the happy lady these flowers were for.

I also have a couple of Dutch friends I really like, and who are really kind, compassionate and fair persons, without of course forgetting the Faerie Princess whom I love.

So yes, generalizing too much is wrong and can be offensive. Yet it is undeniable that 30%, 40%, 50% of the population has this tendency to be distrustful, to be emotionally stiff, etc.

If you fall asleep in a coffee place at the South of Italy for a few minutes, you can be sure that nobody is going to wake you up, and on the contrary, the waiter / waitress may say a kind word afterwards exchanging a few pleasantries.

But then, of course, again, I am generalizing. Perhaps had I chosen another coffee place, the persons there would have been kinder.

So my aim is really not to offend our faithful readers who read us. Of course, they are not like that. Nor their family. Nor their close friends. 

It is like saying that my country is corrupted. Yes, there are corrupted persons. But no, not all persons are corrupted, far from that. It is offensive to read all day long in foreign newspapers that my country is a corrupted country. It is very offensive.

Especially that corruption does not come from a natural inclination to corruption, but rather, stems from political divisions related to the fact Lebanon is a mosaic of cultures. Political division often results in more corruption.

I cannot deny that there is corruption. I cannot deny that a lot of Lebanese are really good people, but most of these good people do not succeed in reaching high positions in the Lebanese State, because of those political divisions.

But we know about that. We read about that all day long. "Lebanon is the worst country in the world for blablabla, for blablabla, for blablabla."

The entourage of the Faerie Princess has been nourrished with this kind of news since decades.

This is the reason for which, when I visited your dungeons, I was treated in a really very negative and offensive way. They did not show me any consideration. Simply because in the head of the entourage of the Faerie Princess, and in the head of many other people in the Lowlands, coming from Lebanon is something almost insulting, it's like being a "refugee", a person of the street who doesn't has any dignity, something really negative. I cannot really use the appropriate words for privacy reasons.

Who protects me? Who protected me? Who was there to say kind words about my country? Nobody.

All day long newspapers write negative things about the land I come from. And who writes positive things? Nobody. 

It's like the Biblic fight of David against Goliath. Everything is against me.

Of course, I recognize the rightfulness of what one of our most faithful readers wrote, saying that "non-violent communication" is key to finding harmony. I agree wholeheartedly with that statement. Yet, there is an expression in French saying "il faut mettre les points sur les i" - that translates as "we need to put the dots on i's", in the sense that most of the time my communication is really peaceful. Yet, I do not control it entirely, in the sense that the Faerie Princess is half responsible of this communication by my side, even if she doesn't show herself in the same way I do.

Her words about her bitterness at the society in which she grew up still resonate.

And I need to defend my country, as it is all the time criticized and perceived in a very negative way.

I do not do it out of nationalism. I personally wish to abolish the notion of country and have ONE GOVERNMENT for the entire EARTH. My dream is to keep the cultural wealth of each country, of each village, but to have no longer armies and borders and such. In the sense that I wish each citizen to reason as a citizen of the world, and not as a citizen of a particular country.

But along the path to reach that result for which I will advocate in my books co-written with Annelies Broeders, first of all, countries such as Lebanon need to be entirely recognized and respected.

Because as long as great nations are convinced to be better than other nations, there will be no solutions to the problems of the world. Great nations believe they are more important. People there live a life of luxury, of vacations, of trips, taking the airplane, the train, whenever they wish, consuming oil, gas, energy, that come from zones of the world that are not doing well. And then, their newspapers dare to criticize those countries that are not doing well, in part because of their refusal to build a fairer world, where all citizens in the entire world have the right to live a life of dignity. Perhaps without luxury, but a peaceful, deign life.

So the words used on my blogs and those of the Faerie Princess are really modest accusations respect to the words newspapers use when speaking of non-mainstream countries, such as Lebanon. And sometimes I am forced to do so, to show that what happened six years ago is unacceptable, and that as much as Lebanon needs to be reformed, in other ways, the Netherlands (and all Europe, and the United States, and Russia, and China) need to be reformed too.

All countries of this world are right now really not doing well, if we want to say the truth. There are deep society problems everywhere.

People of wealthy, western countries like to think that they are doing well, and that other "third world" countries are not. But this is not the truth, and this is what I am trying to express.

We all live on Earth. We all are citizens of Earth. When there are problems, we are all responsible for those problems. All of us. 

And I will tell you why being emotionally stiff is such a bad thing. Being emotionally stiff prevents you to have compassion for others, to have empathy for others. So when you hear of a negative thing happening, instead of being saddened, instead of wanting to do something to correct that negative thing happening, you just shrug and carry on with your life.

Each human being develops a bit of emotional stiffness, in order to survive. But some human beings have a lot of emotional stiffness, and that results in cold, compassionless society.

It is unfortunately the case a bit everywhere in the world, including the Netherlands. It does not mean all citizens are emotionally stiff. Perhaps 60% are. But it is enough to create a cloud that obscures the sun. It is enough to make persons like the Faerie Princess grow up with a constant feeling of nausea.

I am sorry for this long answer and explanation. But I wish my readers to understand I really do not like to hurt / offend others. But I am in a very difficult position.

Today I learnt that we will have power outage again, 4 hours per day. From 9 am to 11 am in the morning. From 4 pm to 6 pm in the afternoon. The ship of fuel has not arrived yet, so there is a fuel shortage in the country.

Do you have to worry about such things in the Netherlands? Not really.

Probably it will only last for a few days. Many people now have photovoltaic panels, but we do not. It needs a certain investment. I am waiting for the Faerie Princess' entourage to help her heal in order to co-publish our novels.

In my childhood we sometimes spent hours in the dark, but those times were pleasant. We lit candles, had dinner in the garden with candle light. 

The problem is that the State did not build new power plants since several decades. So the power plants are dimensioned to give much less current than what the country needs. So instead private regional companies built small power plants to provide each village / region with current when the power plants of the State fail.

There are so many political divisions that in the past they came to build let's say a power plant here or there, and got people oppose those projects either for political or environmental reasons.

This is what I mean when I say that I come from a difficult context.

Many people think "huh, they are corrupted, it is their fault !" 

But this is not true. Often political division comes from geopolitical divisions. Bad infrastructures stem from political blockages.

But explain to me one thing: why do great countries in the world do not make peace between one another, and why don't they act for peace, instead of selling weapons?

This is what I mean when I say that when there is a problem in one place of this globe everyone is responsible.

Switzerland is the country of peace, right? It is known as having always kept its neutrality.

Yet, Switzerland sells weapons. For "strategic reasons", to keep their weapon industry alive. This is hypocrisy. Sorry.

Most European countries even more hypocrites than Switzerland is !

So sincerely, I do not think that a country that sells weapons can give lessons to another country accusing it of being corrupted, because that country suffered from the consequence of weapon proliferation !!!

This is what the entourage of the Faerie Princess must realize. They are not better than we are. When they close their eyes to the real problems and issues in the world, it does not mean they are not co-responsible for all what is happening.

And an unfairness creates another unfairness ! When a region is occupied by another country, when people are tortured, years afterwards, these scars are remembered. Unfairness fuels violence, unfairness fuels unfairness. And here I am not speaking of communication, but real violence. People who for twenty years are oppressed, killed, etc. will necessarily badly react, and in their turn become oppressors.

I do not justify the people who are violent. Violence cannot and will never resolve anything. (I am speaking of real violence here.)

Yet, instead of giving lessons, western nations should understand the real reasons and causes from which that violence stems.

Instead of calling groups of people "terrorists", they should understand why these people have been wounded / wronged to the point of becoming so violent.

As I said earlier, I belong to the ancient lands of Mount Lebanon that are profoundly Christians and do not take part in conflicts, and keep its neutrality. Yet, we see and hear what happens elsewhere. And all what I can say is that ALL PARTS are wrong and at fault. Each person / individual / country / organization using violent means is criminal. They all are.

Killing is an atrocious act. Always. 

Countries who close their eyes upon what happens are at fault. Citizens of those peaceful countries who close their eyes also are at fault.

And this is not theoretical thought.

In Mount Lebanon, we have been occupied by Syria for around 20 years. From the 80's to 2005.

It is the USA who made a deal with Syria in the 80s allowing it to occupy Mount Lebanon in exchange for something else. 

The practical consequence is that there were Syrian soldiers at checkpoints to go from one region to another during my childhood. 

It was not a heavy occupation, starting from 1991. There was only a minimal presence. 

Yet, can you imagine dear Dutch friends having German soldiers at checkpoints to go from Amsterdam to The Hague asking you for your identity card? Would you find that acceptable?

This is what we lived for years. And other zones of the country were occupied by another country, without wishing to enter in names.

And all that, because great countries of this world thought that Lebanon really did not matter, and all what they were interested in was getting more oil, more gas, and as Lebanon at the time did not have strategic resources (except its mountains, its water, its ski slopes, its banks, its culture, its educated people), they really did not care about us, and allowed our two neighbors to occupy our country for two decades. 

We got rid of those occupations. Yet those two countries always kept their eyes on us, as well as their territorial ambition.

So when people who were victim of humiliating occupations during two decades defend themselves using non-peaceful means, I really do not agree with it, yet, can understand from where it comes.

There are thousands of Lebanese Christians from the region where I live who disappeared in the 1980s and were never found again, taken to Syria. And the same happened in other zones of the country, occupied by another country.

When people lose close ones, how do you want them to react? Especially when there is no human justice that can do anything for them. 

Can we bring the Syrian dirigeants in an international, or national court? No. 

Have you seen how Syrian dirigeants treated their own citizens in the last decade? Imagine what their soldiers did here, in a foreign country they envy and hate.

And it is the same from the other side.

Of course, everybody is at fault when there is violence and extremism. But extremism often stems from deep unfairnesses. It is like a reaction, of having been unprotected during decades.

So, I do my best to keep my communication entirely peaceful. But I know that the opinions of the entourage of the Faerie Princess toward my country was very insulting, without understanding its local particularities and all the unfairnesses we lived, and also without appreciating how a country tries to make each minority, each community, heard in the Parliament, having a long democratic tradition despite all the problems.

Many times my country has been abandoned by the international community. And I am not speaking of the present. I am also speaking of the 1960s, when my country was doing really well, and was the wealthiest and most developed country of the region.

If you wish to reach peace in the world, you need to treat each country fairly. You cannot blindly take the side of a country against another. You need to point at the faults of each, in a fair way.

And each person who used violent means, and killed, should be judged. Each single person from each single country. 

Violence should be forbidden. But it should be forbidden for everyone !!!

I do not expect an answer to this post, as I do not like to speak of these themes usually. Sorry, it is very long. But I had a lot to say and explain. Thank you for reading me.